It's the Best of Times. It's the Worst of Times!

Charles Dickens had it right. I think it was Charles Dickens anyway! This past week was a full moon...a harvest moon! It was overcast all week so that moon was never really seen by me but it didn't matter! People let you know that the moon is full! My daughter calls and lets me know that her week was the same. The moon hangs over Ohio I guess as well.

The best of times are this: I am about to turn a corner in my life. This November, I will turn 60 years old which sounds horrid so I have to practice saying it and writing it. I am, however, healthy and have so many things to be thankful for. My 50's were amazing. I stretched myself past anywhere I ever thought I would be. My job has been a pure joy. My daughters both completed college, got great jobs and are successful in their own rights. Jim and I talk seriously about retirement and it's getting easier to fathom.

The worst of times are this: I have so many things that I can see. Things that I wish were! I feel time moving so fast and this sense of urgency. Not for me though! I see it for kids today! I feel as though my two daughters moved into the world at a time when there were choices. I feel as though there are fewer and fewer choices for kids now at a time when it appears on the surface that we are inundated with stuff! Kids have plenty of "stuff" but what they will not have perhaps is a career! What happens if our kids go into the world unable to do those 21st Century things that are written about so much? What if parents object to changing the way things used to be? What happens if they don't see this thing coming? What happens if they see it but don't believe it? How do we move forward in a world that is scared of change?

Don't Think You're So Good!

Words my mom said to me when I was a freshman in college! She had dreamed of many things in her life and settled for being married and raising kids...two things she thought of completely as tasks! Nether fulfilled her dreams! I think she gained satisfaction from squashing other people's dreams then.

I am reading a book called The Element by Sir Ken Robinson. He speaks of working to find your dreams, not letting anyone talk you out of doing what you love and how it's really never too late to realize that you may have unfulfilled dreams.

I'm thinking that my dream was to be an educator because I have spent my life doing it and I have enjoyed it. Most of the time! As I truly reflect on the years though, my mother's voice haunts me..."Don't think you're so good!" For as much I have worked hard at my jobs, I'm never convinced that I have done the job justice. I believe that there are many who could have done a better job of it. Whatever "it" is.

So has education been my element? Or do I spend so much time reading, learning, seeking knowledge because I am always fearful that I'm not good enough?

Sir Ken Robinson points out that many do not discover their element until they have reached a time in their lives when they can relax from the pressures of raising children and building a career. Perhaps I am ready to go in search of my element. Once and for all, I would like to shut out my mother's voice!

Cha-Cha-Cha-Changing!

Here we go again...changing seasons...changing school years...changing practices! The best and the worst part of spending my career in the field of education is that nothing ever stays the same! Unfortunately, for some, there is an attempt to keep what they can consistent while the students change every year. But for those who try this route, there is a growing disconnect with students with each passing year. Then, some will blame the students...Kids are so different today...They used to be more respectful!

I have been at this gig for over 30 years now and the one thing that I know for sure is kids are still kids! It is us who grow further away from them! So, it becomes necessary then for us to stay relevant to them!

I have loved my job because I have embraced this idea all along. Enjoy change! You might as well! It's going to happen anyway!

Fun Web 2.0 Tool

https://cacoo.com/diagrams/2a10a3QNW20mud5d

I found a web 2.o too that is called Cacoo. It is a simple way to develop diagrams so I used it to sketch out a plan for the upcoming task force that I have been assigned to facilitate this next year.

I'm checking now to see how it transfers to another location so here goes!

Administrator Retreat!

I always thought that the word "retreat" meant to leave reality for awhile. Escape into something else!

Well then, our Administrator Retreat is missnamed! We do not "retreat" from work at all but instead renew our focus all together, this year once again in Green Lake! The topic was Change ... how people deal with it ...how we acknowlege individual issues with it...how we, as leaders guide that journey!

Three days of sharing has now brought us all to a renewed "moral purpose"! We know that our journey in leadership is to maintain a focus on what's best for kids but sometimes we forget that in order to get what's best for kids we have to nurture the adults who work with them.

We have to see the adults as individuals who are dealing with the current changes in their own way. Some of them will embrace the change quickly while others grieve or battle. In some cases, we have spent too much time assisting those who battle change and we forget the one's who have quietly journeyed forward. It's time to recognize them, celebrate their successes, spend time in their presence. They need us right now as much if not more than those who struggle. And we have many, many teachers who are new to the profession. They need to know how they fit into to the greater scheme of things. They want to belong. We have to help them remain focused on the moral purpose; encourage their efforts, celebrate their successes. They will struggle from time to time and could easily become disallusioned and angry unless we stay close. And once again, we have to acknowledge those who are battling. It could be that they are struggling with letting go of a past that was, in fact, not bad but good; a past that had worked for other students, seemingly well. We need to remember that we all entered education with a desire to serve and this group of teachers, like all others, work with a belief that they are doing what is best for kids. We need to listen to their stories and help them say good bye to dated practices with a sense of appreciation and grace.

We also learned that we need to recognize that all of us process and make decisions based on brain patterns that may be different. For one, a decision to move forward may seem logical which makes rapid change seem simple. For others, the decision may seem monumental so there needs to be a process that allows for analysis and contemplation. They may need to watch others experience the change first so that they can judge the results in a calmer, more deliberate manner.

The greater danger, for us, in the world today, is to stay in a place because we think we are great; too good to need to change. If infact, life is about change then we need to practice changing little things to big things. We need to look critically at everything - view everything as potentially changable - because people/companies who fail often say they "didn't see it coming!" It could have been because they were basking in their sense of greatness!

So, this year, we did not "retreat" from work exactly but infact we did. We left behind the busyness of day to day so that we could focus once again on our purpose. We did indeed retreat! And we also came away with renewed convictions to work together to help our staff through today's trials. As a team, we can do great things! The first of which is to care about each other! The second will be to continue the journey of learning and growing day after day!

A Three Week Rollercoaster Ride

Three weeks ago today, I received a call saying that my brother had had a heart attack and was being taken to a small hospital close to his hometown. This brother is 18 months older than me. I have many memories of my time with him. Not all of them good! But this is my brother and he just had a heart attack.

I am supposed to present at the board meeting in a few hours but my brain can't focus on work right now. Instead I go home and call my sister who is already at the small hospital and she is crying. They don't think he will survive! They need to transport him to UW Hospital if he is going to have any chance at all! He may not survive the ride though!

I tell my sister that I will meet her at UW Hospital.

Disbelief. . .but not, desire to support my sister at least,

frustration by the dysfunction of our family.

I was joined by his two daughters, his estranged wife and my sister. We spend the night answering questions about him, about his life style (not good)...and we listen as they tell us that they don't know how long his brain went without oxygen, whether there is any brain activity at all or how much damage has been done to his heart. They prepped us to say good bye.

Anger at him for not caring enough to see how people loved him and belief that he had been fortunate to die an easy death.

We all went home when he was as stable as he was going to get so that we could get some much needed sleep. They asked if we wanted them to restart his heart if it stopped again. We said "Don't do anything heroic." We reconvened early the next morning to find out that his heart had started beating on it's own and because of that, they proceeded with a procedure to place two stints into two blocked arteries. The surprise of that left us with a numbness of "Ok but what if there is no brain activity?"

Cautious celebration and fear!

His daughters said, "We know that he hasn't been the best dad but he's the only dad we will ever have!" Yes, but if he can't be independent, in his own way, he will just be an angry bitter man and he will blame us. Yes but right now he's alive and we think he smiled when he heard our voices. Maybe, maybe not!

Anxiety, cautious hope?

Seemingly short time passes and, yes indeed, he is aware. He can squeeze our hands when we ask. He wants to talk but tubes won't allow. Shortly after, the heart pump is disconnected. His heart is pumping on it's own! They are saying that he is a miracle man. "You know, he died twice!" Quickly, too quickly, they are ready to dismiss him from the hospital. How can this be? This is the man that you said died twice just a couple of days ago and now you are ready to send him to another facility? Why yes...he is very fortunate...they found a bed available at a rehab hospital. He'll be just fine there. They will help him with his memory and physical therapy.

New anxiety, fear, guarded thankfullness!

One week into rehab and his long term memory is solid. His short term memory is coming back. He walks, a bit unstable but yet he walks. He dislikes hospital food and he's vocal about it! The old curmudgeon is coming back! We have told him repeatedly about the details of his heart attack. He doesn't remember from time to time though. He has been told that he can no longer drink and smoke if he wants to live. He's listening...maybe!

Resolution that his is going to live...

A weekend pass and word that he is too good to stay in rehab after tomorrow!!! What? Three weeks since the day he "died" and now he is going home? Well, brother, you are a walking miracle! You were brought back here for a reason. There is something more you are to do with your life! "What is it do you think?" he asks. I don't know brother but as for me it's already happened. You brought our family together again in the same room. You gave your daughters time to realize what you have meant to them...even though...and you made me realize that you are indeed loved not just by them but by me as well!

Second chances are opportunities to make things right!

Cautious hope but acceptance (of him) too!

So That's the Background. Now Who Am I?

Do you ever wonder how you got to where you got?

I got average grades in school was no superstar anything. And yet...my senior year, I was chosen to head up the Year Book Committee and got the lead role in the school musical!

My mother said "Girls don't need to go to college. They end up just getting married and having babies anyway!" And yet...I not only went to college, I was the first in my family to get a college degree, not to mention a master's degree.

My first semester of college, I failed the math class. And yet...I went on to end with a 3.2 grade point average!

My first job out of college was as an Educational Assistant with Dane County Special Education. The Director, Ken McRoberts, did not have a teaching job for me. And yet...by the end of the first year I had my own classroom!

I planned on teaching for three years, getting my life certification and then doing as my mom had predicted...stay home and have babies! And yet...35 years later I am still working full time in education.

I always planned on making the right decisions. Instead...I have settled for accepting the belief that I think I have made the best decision for the time.

Education has been my journey, not only as a career but as a personal trip. And very little of my education, in the end, has taken place inside a classroom or been directed by a certified teacher! I want to say that I have been influenced by powerful people - not perhaps all in the eyes of the world but certainly in my eyes. And not all of them as positive experiences but certainly memorable ones! Every book you read, every speaker you listen to, every boss you work for, every person you work next to, your friends and family, children and adults all are part of the learning journey.

By all predictions based on my lack luster performance as a K-12 student and lack of family interest in higher education, I shouldn't have gone where I went! But I did it anyway!

Love the Kids! Always Love the Kids!

So, my focus changed a bit during this time period of my career from being focused on making sure that teachers stayed happy to making sure that kids stayed happy! I waffled. I couldn't exactly tell who came first on most days.

There were days that the kids were frustrating the teachers so I would grab the biggest offenders and bring them into my office so the teacher could have some respite. The student and I would spend some quality time bonding and in the end we would both be pretty happy with the time spent. The surprise to me was that this seemed to upset the teacher! "Why is this student leaving your office happy? This student had made a mess of my lesson, my class and now he is happily leaving your office! What do the two of you do anyway? Eat candy and tell jokes???"

I was, undeniably surprised by this at first. I had thought that I was helping the teacher...giving the teacher a break from a student who was obviously pushing her buttons! I should have realized that the teachers really wanted a principal who would punish "bad" children! Of course, the breadbags were evidence of that!

Even the kids, sometimes wondered about me! One student spent a great deal of time in my office. I would calmly try to discuss each situation as it occurred. This kid finally said "Why don't you just face it. I come from a fighting family!" My response was "Well, I don't! So we have a problem!"

More than anything, I saw kids who would get upset about an injustice. Just as we all would. They wanted to be listened to. They wanted to be respected. It reminded me of a book that my own kid's nursery school teachers recommended to us as parents. It was called "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk". It was a book that changed my parenting forever and it was definitely the philosophy I went into administration with.

A couple of years later, after I had earned my stripes at this first school, one teacher said "Your style is completely like Jim Fey's Love and Logic." I didn't know what that was at the time. Based on her suggestion, I ordered some tapes and books and as a staff, we began the Love and Logic journey towards working respectfully with kids.

Off to My First Principal Job!

One short semester as an Assistant Principal and then my ship sailed to another elementary school where I took over in the month of February! I will never forget the feeling of nausea as I drove down the road to that school thinking that I was now to be in charge of it...a school that had had the same principal for so many years that most of the teachers had never known another principal.

I didn't want to move any of his things for fear it would upset people but it looked like he hadn't moved many of his things for years either! Dust had collected everywhere! I couldn't find the phone and someone had actually put a tin mailbox outside his office door so that current notes had a place to be seen. I decided to clean the office. Even the secretary laughed as I cleaned and sneezed! People dealt with that change quietly and watchfully.

But, within a short month, I committed the ultimate "sin". I disagreed with a long standing tradition! If students forgot their boots during the winter months, they were to wear bread bags over their shoes outside!

Nope, not on my watch!

Within seconds of hearing this, the breadbags came off and I called a staff meeting. What were they thinking? How would they like it if they had to wonder around the playground in breadbags? Not to mention the potential of slipping and falling...how would we explain to parents that their child got hurt because he slipped while wearing breadbags on his feet! Breadbags that we made him wear!

Lesson Learned - Know what you stand for! Know the lines in the sand that you simply will not cross no matter what! Humiliation is never a good way to get people to remember to do something!

Oh yeah! And don't be afraid to change around the office! It's time to let everyone know that someone new is in charge! Little changes mean a lot!

1996 - Administration, Here I Come!

My brother said, "If you are going to be in a job all your life, why wouldn't try to make the most money at it that you can?"


Good Question!


I had been working as a teacher since the 70's. I loved it but was not really going anywhere. If you know what I mean. Every beginning of every school year, some teachers actually even put up the same bulletin boards! I began to feel the need to change. I loved the kids. Loved The Kids! But each year, the months passed by and each year, my friends got more and more negative about the work. I found myself not wanting to go to work either at times. I knew that something had to change! I did not want to spend my days being negative.

It started with a sabbatical from my job...the opportunity to go back to school full time to pursue something in education as long as I committed to return to the district and stay for 3 years. Done deal! And there I was a full time college student again. This time getting certification for administration. Less then one year later, I was an intern assistant principal in an elementary school where I had taught. The following fall, I was the Assistant Principal there!

What I came in with was a desire to see the negative feelings go away from the staff. So I tried my hand at Symbolic Leadership. I told stories, had them tell stories and we wrote things down that we all believed in. We all knew that we believed in kids!

This first fall, we sailed off on the journey together, sharing things that we valued on gold paper coins and dropping them into a treasure box. We stayed focused through symbolic links to our ship and had fun...

... accept for one staff meeting right before winter break when I came in ready to finish up the work on the vision/mission statements and some of the teachers felt the meeting should have been a Christmas party instead. I had brought treats and planned the agenda to be quick and to the point but, in my mind, there still needed to be a meaningful outcome. It was the first time that I had a friend/teacher turn on me with a very clear question - "What is this shit? You should know better!"

Lesson learned - The staff meeting right before winter break is not the time to "keep pushing". Instead, it's a great opportunity to celebrate the accomplishments of the year so far instead!

I learned my lesson!

1986 - Two Kids and a Masters Degree Later!

Within 10 years of teaching, so many things changed! Yes, I had two little girls now and a Masters Degree in Learning Disabilities but also the field of special education changed dramatically!

In the beginning, students just arrived in my classroom based on an IQ test given by the school psychologist. In the beginning, students labeled Mentally Retarded were not particularly welcome in the school. Classroom teachers didn't want them in their classrooms. Infact, when I started, special education programs were operated by counties not by the school districts. There was a belief that students with IQ's below 70 were unable to learn and took time away from students who could learn. Many children were sent to group live-in facilities. In Madison, there was Central Colony (now Central Wisconsin Center), in Jefferson there was St. Coletta's. There were others around the state. When the higher functioning children from these facilities started to be placed in public schools, people were afraid!

In the beginning, these children and their teacher stayed quietly in a classroom and cautiously started entering "regular" classrooms like Art class. With the passage of PI 94-142, all children with handicapping conditions were guaranteed a free and appropriate education. Special education teachers needed to learn how to administer formal testing and then had to write an IEP (Individual Education Plans) for each student. This job and the paperwork that it entailed was and has been an enormous burden for special education teachers. This group of teachers has been held accountable for student progress since that time. The passage of this bill really was the beginning of Individual Learning Plans that are just now becoming part of the "regular" classroom teacher's duty.

"Mainstreaming" students into regular classrooms was an exercise in letting go! I didn't trust that my kids would be safe out there in the rest of the school. Some teachers opened their arms to these kids but most felt that they had little or no skills to work with children who struggled to learn. So mainstreaming was still limited to classes like Art, Music, and Physical Education and sometimes Social Studies. Often, still, children with special needs were ostracized from the group learning often made to sit at separate tables.

With my Master's Degree, I added a certification to work with students with learning disabilities. At one point, I went with another teacher to talk with the superintendent to ask if we could merge my students (labeled Mentally Retarded) with students with Learning Disabilities. The superintendent was hesitant. "What will parents say?" The label was a deterent for many parents. They didn't want anyone to think that their child was "retarded"! We made it work with personality and humor and became one of the first Cross-categorical programs in our district and apparently around the state. The two of us were asked to speak to other district administrators and school board members about how it worked.

So in 10 years, my kids and I went from being self contained to included at least in part in classrooms. Over time, again with personality and humor, we became an important part of the culture of the school and the community.

1976 Was the Beginning...At Least For Me!

The first real teaching job that I got started as someone else's 1 year leave of absence. I was given a classroom in an elementary school with children labeled "Mentally Retarded". There were 9 little ones from grade Kindergarten to Grade 3.


It started out like this...

"Here's your room. Here's the key. Let me know if you need anything!

Ok, then!

I started by moving some furniture around and making my first ever bulletin board. I cut out something that looked a bit like a tree branch...I should have taken a picture! Remember that in life. You're going to wish you had pictures of everything!

I think I titled the board "Reaching Out to a New Year"! Or something like that.

After I felt like the room looked passable, I opened a file cabinet...and oh my god!

No files!

But PILES!

Piles of faded blue mimeographed sheets of paper with anything from coloring book pages to simple math problems in pica type. (There's some vocabulary to look up: mimeographed and pica)

Drawer after drawer...Stack after stack!

The kids were coming in two days! Wait! What kids? Did I have a class list? Did I have some form of information about who they were or what they needed? Oh well, I was sure someone would tell me when I needed to know!

For now, I was excited! I had a classroom. I had a bulletin board up that I had designed myself! And...I had an empty box that I could use to carry home one file drawer of paper stacks!

Life was good! Ahh...my first real teaching job!

Another Year Ready to File Away!

And there goes the 2009-10 school year!

The best part of working in the field of education is that you get to bring closure to each year! There is an orderliness to the whole thing. My files run chronologically from 1976 until now. Oh, I've left most of those files in other drawers and perhaps over time some hard copies have disappeared but they are filed neatly, none the less, in my brain.

Each year was a story; a chapter, perhaps in the greatest story ever told! For me, the novel is nearly at an end. You know how you linger over the last chapters of a really good book? It's like you want to know how it ends but you don't want it to be over. It's a dilemma! So you read just a little bit slower and you savour each closing paragraph.

For me and for my girls, I want to capture the story somewhere so that it is not just in my head. Ahh, the beauty of blogging. So as the actual novel winds to a close...let the story begin!